


Old or new, I still love you

by minwonangst



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, I am sorry in advance, M/M, another cliche what's new, do you expect something else???? lololol, don't worry i didn't forget bout black diamond, i am not expert in this area, i suck at titles jfc, i swear i'll finish it, the fucking title makes me cringe, this is just an exercise to get me back to writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-01 14:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20816597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minwonangst/pseuds/minwonangst
Summary: Mingyu thought he’s over Wonwoo. His nightmares are back and he doesn’t have to ask why.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- I am not abandoning Black Diamond. I swear I will go back to writing it. I want to write it. Please give me more time T__T  
\- This theme has been exhausted so many times. Allow me to exhaust it a little bit more hehe :D  
\- Unbeta-ed and most probably will stay that way forever. If you spot mistakes, please tell me! I'm welcome to corrections!  
\- English isn't my first language. Sorry.  
\- I am not an expert in the medical field. I just took the liberty in exploring about selective amnesia. The cause may vary and what was depicted in this fic wasn't accurate or true in real life. If this triggers you, you may opt to not continue reading. Thank you!  
\- If you decide to go on, I hope you enjoy and I hope the angst is enough to satiate your masochistic tendencies :)

It's an ordinary day for Mingyu, like any other day in his monotonous life. He gets up at six in the morning to get ready for his day job which requires him to be in the office at eight. He designs houses or buildings daily depending on what kind of client he is currently assigned to, occasional meetings here and there, and then he goes home at exactly five. Without a miss, he ends his day with a bottle of beer or a glass of wine while he informs himself about what is happening to the world through the evening news. It's easy for him living like this, routinary and organized, like his designs that he could manipulate.

“How’s the J&J Tower II?” Jeonghan, the firm's chief Architect and his boss, asks him the minute he sits down on his chair. He hasn’t even sipped his morning passion fruit juice.

“Almost done.” Mingyu looks up from his desk, the cup of his favorite refreshment in his hand. Since getting assigned to this project a month ago, it’s all he's focusing on. It’s one of their biggest accounts and because he is also one of the firm’s best, it's a natural decision for the higher-ups to let him handle it. Mingyu admits that it’s a big pressure as he's only a junior and a lot of senior architects would want to get their hands on it as well, but working with something complicated, not to mention from a very meticulous client, makes him more determined. It’s such a huge honor to be part of that team.

“Good. The presentation is at the end of the week. Just reminding you.” Jeonghan says before he calls out his assistant, Doyoung, inside his office for his schedule for the day.

When Jeonghan leaves, Mingyu stuffs his ears with his AirPods. He concentrates better when he is listening to music. It lessens the noise inside their busy office. It lessens the distraction. It makes him a little bit more inspired. Moreover, the particular playlist he listens to every day reminds him of better days.

Once upon a time in his life, Mingyu had a person who gave meaning to the things he did. He became an architect because of his big ambitions but there was a particular someone who had pushed him to be better. That person had helped him in achieving his dreams, made him who he is now— one of the most promising young Architects in this generation.

But he had lost that inspiration, that someone who gave him support. He could only listen to those particular songs to reminisce the days, to go back to the time when he didn’t have to filter noise and resort to music just to motivate himself, when all he needed was to see that someone’s smile and hear their words of encouragement. It isn’t like he couldn’t function entirely without his music. It's just that Mingyu wants to remember. He doesn’t want to forget that part of his life.

When the clock ticks five in the afternoon, Mingyu gathers his things to get ready to go home. He still has a football match to catch that he paid beforehand. He is supposed to watch it with his friends but then a lot of them canceled all of a sudden. He understands. They have better things to do than watch a game.

As he is about to step in the elevator, Jeonghan calls out for him and gestures for him to come back inside their office.

“What is it this time?” He hisses, annoyed that Jeonghan might give him extra work to finish.

With heavy shoulders, Mingyu sits down on Jeonghan’s leather couch and waits for him to lay down his additional task for the night. Jeonghan is scrambling on some papers on top of his desk. Mingyu would never understand how their boss works in a mess like this. Mingyu could never start his work with a cluttered workplace. He would lose his mind if he comes to the office to see his desk in such a situation. Jeonghan, though, can manage and would still be the most reliable leader this firm could ever have.

When Jeonghan has found what he is looking for, he puts them inside his briefcase. He is in a hurry which makes Mingyu question what they are actually going to do.

The blond director then orders him to follow him out. He is fixing his tie and his hair in front of the elevator mirror while waiting for the lift to take them to the basement parking of their building, still not telling the younger where the fuck they are going.

“Where are we going?” Mingyu voices out what’s in his mind with his usual annoyed face after looking at his wristwatch. The game would start in 45 minutes, no more time for him to grab buffalo wings or pizza on his way home.

“We are gonna meet a client.” Jeonghan simply answers. They are now walking towards Jeonghan’s Mercedes.

Mingyu opens the passenger door once he hears the beep that signals that the doors are now open. Jeonghan hops on the driver’s seat quickly, and, in a second, they are already cruising the main highway. Mingyu still has no idea where they are heading. He keeps his mouth shut the entire ride while he mourns over the money he had spent for the football game that he would miss tonight.

For the first time in three years since he had joined the firm, Mingyu would finally meet a client. It isn’t something he is looking forward to. He could be friendly but he isn’t that good with people, all the more negotiating with them. Jeonghan only gives him projects to work on but either he or Minhyun, his supervisor, does presentations to clients. Mingyu only assumes that maybe because there is no one left in the office aside from him, Jeonghan had no choice but to tag him along as his company or his assistant.

After a 20-minute drive, they arrive at a dainty coffee shop in the corner of a small street. It is located on the other side of the city, the side where bookstores, museums, and other artisan shops can be found. It is the part where Mingyu wants to avoid as much as possible. It pains him to see books or any other forms of literature. He hates the smell of old paper blending in the air or the moldy appearance of paintings under yellow lights. He despises those kinds of things even if those things calmed his nerves in the past.

They enter the small coffee shop and Mingyu is immediately greeted with the aroma of books, coffee, and paintings that he dreads the most. The place is the perfect description of hell for him. There are Balinese paintings on the wall which made him sick in the stomach, books are lined up messily on the shelves in the corner near the restroom, and the strong scent of coffee poisoning his lungs. Mingyu strongly wants to puke but Jeonghan is already halfway across the room, shaking the hand of a man in a suit who is most likely the client they were meeting.

The client introduces himself as Seungcheol, an executive from a big hotel chain in the country. He goes on explaining the project they would be doing together- an amusement park. It would be a large development plan according to the data that is flashing on Seungcheol’s tablet. They aim to surpass, if not match, Everland. Seungcheol continues to talk about big numbers, land areas, years of construction, and other companies involved. Mingyu is awed by it since he only designs. He does not need to know figures. It’s the engineering department’s job. He thinks his head would explode.

“So, this is Mingyu?” Seungcheol points at him after his presentation.

Mingyu is surprised that his presence would matter in that meeting. He thought he was just an accessory of his boss.

Jeonghan pats Mingyu’s back. “Yes, this is our company’s pride.” His boss proudly says.

Mingyu’s amazement grows bigger because it sounds like Seungcheol and Jeonghan had talked about him before and by the way Seungcheol is eyeing him with a large (but creepy) smile, he must be aware of his existence or the work he does in the office.

“It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Mingyu.” Seungcheol extends his hand for a shake.

Mingyu obliges willingly. He learns that Seungcheol is very impressed with the previous design he made that won recognition in an architectural award last year. It was like a rookie of the year trophy in the industry. He had designed a small renaissance inspired building for one of their clients in Shanghai. It was Mingyu’s first major project when he had entered the company. Jeonghan was happy he took the risk of giving the project to a newbie who only liked to doodle stuff on his desk in the beginning when Minhyun got no more errands for him.

Seungcheol personally requested after the contract signing to include Mingyu in the project and for him to meet the young architect in person. Mingyu isn’t even done with his J&J Tower II design and now he already has another project in the waitlist. He is honestly humbled by all the compliments and, at the same time, excited about the upcoming project.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol go on to talk about more serious business stuff that Mingyu isn’t versed in. He suddenly feels his stomach growl because of hunger. He remembers he should be buying a bucket of chicken wings now to eat while watching his football game. All he could do is curse in his head for missing this crucial game and throwing away a couple of bucks for something he didn’t even consume.

As he is about to excuse himself to go to the bathroom to check online what is happening in the game, the café’s waiter comes with their orders. He greets them with a friendly smile before he places three cups of cold drinks and three mini platters of cheesecakes on their table.

The lean server sports an ash-blond hair, three piercings in each ear, and an intimidating set of small eyes. Mingyu could feel his internal organs twitch in many different directions while his eyeballs pop like they would jump out of its sockets when he recognizes the young man in front of him. He is trying to calm down, chest constricting. He is waiting for the screams and cries to come. He needs air. He needs to get out of there. He needs to stay away from the waiter or he could be witnessing yet another hysterical fit that he doesn’t wish to happen in a public place like that coffee shop. Mingyu waits for a few seconds more and when the ash-blond barista looks straight in his eyes, Mingyu is ready to run for his life. He closes his eyes to brace himself for the screams. To his surprise, there were no screams heard or flying objects in the air. The barista stays calm and wishes them a good night before he goes back to the counter.

Mingyu could not believe his eyes. He exhales dramatically that Jeonghan and Seungcheol ask him if he is alright. Just to make sure, he excuses himself before he could barf on their food because of panic.

Of course, he recognizes that face. Of course, he has all the right to freak out because the last time he saw that face he was forced to leave. It was the face he was trying to remember and forget all at the same time

*

Mingyu has always been labeled as the kid who would most likely to succeed because of his multi-talented hands. He has shown great skills in sketching and scribbling random things ever since he learned how to hold a pencil. When he was in elementary, he could make clay structures that were too advanced for his age. He would make toys from scratch, repair his own broken ones. That special skill developed further and when he graduated from high school, he decided he wanted to make something bigger like bridges and buildings.

During college, he is excelling when it comes to his major subjects despite the various Cs and occasional Ds on his minor ones such as Literature or Philosophy. He is only interested in classes that have to do with drawings or design. He knows he has to pass all the required courses to be able to graduate but his lazy reader ass won’t cooperate. His roommate, Jooheon, is helping him with other subjects but the engineering major also has a handful of things to do like student council duties and glee club rehearsals. Mingyu has admitted he needs external help for his elective classes. That is where he met Wonwoo.

Wonwoo is the biggest bitch Mingyu has the misfortune on meeting. He is always annoyed and snapping at him whenever they have tutorials together. It is a wonder to Mingyu why the president of the Humanities club has assigned a nerd junior with a terrible personality to tutor him. Perhaps they hate his guts to torture him with someone as awful as Wonwoo. Mingyu is aware that Wonwoo is one of the best in his year, but he doesn’t want the best if they would just look down on his grades and make him feel worthless every goddamn study session. He just wants someone to explain to him what Machiavelli’s deal is.

Despite being a whiny asshole, Wonwoo makes Mingyu’s tiny brain understand that the reason why he is very strict about their lessons is that he is serious about getting his grades up.

“Your case is a challenge to me.” He tells Mingyu on the second time they meet. He got unbelievably pissed when he sees the marks of Mingyu’s latest quiz. Wonwoo has 100% success rate when it comes to making his students pass a subject. He won’t let someone, a mere mortal like Mingyu, to ruin it.

“I don’t even get why Shakespeare made Romeo drink that poison. What the actual fuck was he thinking?” Mingyu mumbles loudly while reading the famous love story. Mingyu is not that stupid. He just has to boost his reading and comprehension skills by finding something interesting in the subject matter.

Wonwoo is sitting across him, concentrating on reading a Murakami book while he waits for his student to finish the material he assigned him to do. “Do the complaining later when you write your reaction paper.” Wonwoo dismisses him.

That is what Mingyu hates the most about reading stories. He doesn’t get the stupidity of the protagonists. He believes that people should be practical and that grand gestures of love aren’t that necessary to show how much you value a person. He thought Romeo was dumb and Juliet was dumber. Juliet shouldn’t have killed herself even if Romeo was really dead. She should have continued her life with hopes to find another person to love. It wasn’t like they will meet in the afterlife and continue being together. Mingyu had an enormous urge to vomit but he keeps it in to not piss Wonwoo more.

Mingyu writes his reaction paper in the most pessimistic and cynical manner he knows. Wonwoo reads it right after but doesn’t comment about how he poured out his huge hate on the piece. The older only corrected some grammar errors and parts of the story that Mingyu overlooked.

“That was it?” Mingyu asks after their two-hour session.

“Do you want me to say something more?” Wonwoo is already putting his things inside his black backpack. 

“No. I just thought you would say something mean like what you always do.” Mingyu says.

Wonwoo stares at him for a few seconds, maybe he is formulating something cruel to say to him or trying to look for clever words to piss him off. “It’s a reaction paper. _ Your _ reaction paper. You’re entitled to your own opinion.” Wonwoo slings one strap on his shoulder and pushes his round glasses up his nose. “I hate how lazy you are but I like how you think.”

Despite his frightening façade, Mingyu learns how to appreciate those deep set of eyes and understand his rude behavior. Mingyu is getting used to it and sometimes he wonders if he is growing fond of it. He would admit he is quite enjoying Wonwoo’s company every study session they have even though they are only seeing each other thrice a week. Wonwoo doesn’t look at him straight in the eyes or exceed saying seven sentences to him in two hours but Mingyu finds himself looking forward to those short meetings.

“Do you like me now?” Mingyu grins at him, showing his sharp, uneven canines.

Wonwoo frowns. “You know I hate you, right?” Wonwoo says in disgust.

“Yes. It is not hard to see.” Mingyu is counting. It is the sixth sentence Wonwoo had told him today. He is waiting for the seventh. The seventh is the most crucial because it is always their parting sentence.

Wonwoo stares at him again with darker expression. The younger isn’t sure if he wants to stay or dash out of there as fast as he could because Wonwoo is giving him another of his infamous death glare.

“Stop pestering me or I will hate you more.”

It is the seventh and Mingyu already accepts that their day together is already over.

However, it seems like Wonwoo wants to say something more. He is still standing there, looking down at Mingyu. Mingyu waits patiently. When he doesn’t get any, he pushes his luck and shoots. “Does that mean you like being with me?”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes before he leaves the room. Because Mingyu is a fast runner, he catches up on his tutor and walks with him to their shared bus stop. Wonwoo still doesn’t speak that much but he allows Mingyu to sit with him and walk with him until it’s time to separate ways. A week later, Wonwoo agrees to Mingyu’s dinner invitation. A day after that, he lets Mingyu kiss him for the first time. And many more times after that.

*

Mingyu swears he would never go back to that coffee shop. That fateful night when he saw Wonwoo again after three years, he isn’t sure if his mind, heart, and soul are ready for such an abrupt encounter. There are so many things that had happened between them that he had already gotten over. He had moved on. He had locked away the pain and threw the key in the middle of nowhere so it won’t be found anymore. Seeing Wonwoo again opened up old wounds, pain resurfacing from the depths of his heart. It’s only Wonwoo who could make it all go away.

Evidently, Mingyu is destined to deal with the pain one more time when Jeonghan takes him to the same coffee shop to meet with Seungcheol the following week.

Even though he knows that there is no way out of it, Mingyu still wants to make an excuse or to call in sick. But Jeonghan is strict when it comes to work responsibilities that involve clients, so even if he is having a terrible case of gonorrhea, his boss would drag him out of his apartment to attend the fucking meeting.

Mingyu sits uncomfortably on his place as he watches Wonwoo serve other customers with a big smile while trying to hide his tall self behind Jeonghan’s frame. He is still afraid of what might happen when Wonwoo sees him again. Maybe he didn’t recognize him the first time. Maybe this time, the reaction he is waiting for would finally happen..

The current Wonwoo is far from the Wonwoo he used to know. The Wonwoo he knew wouldn’t even consider getting a job in customer service. He hated being around big groups of people. He’d rather read alone in the corner than to chat with people. He would never smile to random people. That big gummy smile that he just gave to a young woman was only reserved for him whenever he told him a dumb joke, or whenever he would tickle him while they were on his couch watching his favorite anima, or whenever they were about to kiss. Mingyu feels a pang of jealousy in his chest as he watched his former boyfriend jump from one customer to another and offer them the smile that used to be only his. Mingyu was the only person that could make Wonwoo smile like that. It was an exclusive thing between them. It wounded Mingyu a little to see that the whole world has free access to it.

Mingyu almost chokes on his own saliva when Wonwoo comes over to ask if they need additional orders or if they want to have free donuts. The fear comes back. Mingyu could only relax when he sees no signs that Wonwoo would combust in rage. Instead, he is sending kind smiles that could cure cancer.

“I am giving away donuts just for you guys.” Wonwoo bends down and whispers to them so that only the four of them could hear.

“Why? Are you allowed to do that?” Seungcheol asks in surprise.

“Yes, if you’re going to keep it as a secret between us.” Wonwoo giggles. Soft and innocent. Mingyu is trying not to grab him and wrap him in his arms where he used to belong. There is it again. That smile that Mingyu misses so much. It wouldn’t mean anything to people but he used to live for that. His heart flutters. Wonwoo still has the same effect on him.

Seungcheol smiles back, revealing almost all of his teeth and gums. Wonwoo mentions something like he is only doing it because he is happy to see them for the second time and because Seungcheol is a loyal customer.

“Just a couple of weeks ago you gave free donuts to that writer friend of yours,” Seungcheol utters. Mingyu senses familiarity. He must be a regular here to know what Wonwoo does in his shift.

“Oh, Jisoo? It is a ‘coming back to life’ present.” Wonwoo answers.

Whatever that meant, it is nice to know that Wonwoo has gained new friends over the years. He doesn’t know who Jisoo is or how long Seungcheol knows him but it seems like Wonwoo is around the same kind of people he would hang out in college. He likes literature and philosophy so it is just logical he is friends with a writer like Jisoo. He likes arts and paintings so that might be the reason why he is friends with Seungcheol (who is the art director of the project) aside from him being a regular customer. Perhaps, Mingyu thinks, maybe Wonwoo did not change at all.

“So what flavor do you want?” Wonwoo asks..

Seungcheol tells him he wants honey glazed this time. Jeonghan says he prefers something not that sweet so just plain donut without anything on it. On the other hand, Mingyu is busy trying to come up with an answer. He is nervous as hell as it is going to be the first time in so long that he is going to speak to Wonwoo. He could not think properly. He is internally panicking. Wonwoo would be looking directly at him, talking to him, seeing his face. He should be ready to take responsibility for whatever might happen to him at any moment.

“How about you-” Wonwoo tilts his head, trying to recall Mingyu’s name. Mingyu is at the edge. Of course, he wouldn’t remember his name. He shouldn’t be. Mingyu’s heart races when Wonwoo beams directly at him.

“Mingyu. My name is Mingyu.” Mingyu answers bashfully.

“Nice to meet you, Mingyu. I’m Wonwoo.” The smile never left his face. It could honestly bring world peace in Mingyu’s opinion. His calm demeanor confirms that Wonwoo had already forgotten about him which is actually good. That was the plan and they’ve succeeded It hurts and comforts him at the same time.

“I know.” Mingyu blurts out without thinking. “I mean. I know because you’re wearing a name tag.” Mingyu points at the plastic plate embedded on Wonwoo’s chest. “Uh- nice meeting you too - uhm- Wonwoo.”

Mingyu doesn’t know what he is waiting for. It isn't like Wonwoo would come running back to him and ask him about his dull life while they were apart because he would not even in his wildest dreams. Wonwoo has no recollection about him, even a little bit. He doesn’t have any idea about him or their past. Wonwoo has totally healed. Mingyu could only stare and reminisce, watch the new Wonwoo be his new self. He could only sulk in his corner because he couldn’t really do anything to relieve the pain inside. He is already contented that he had the chance to meet Wonwoo again and know that he is living a good life.

After getting his composure back, Mingyu tells Wonwoo that he is having what Jeonghan has ordered. Wonwoo returns to the bar after while Jeonghan goes on asking Seungcheol about that Jisoo Wonwoo was talking about earlier because, apparently, he is interested to know the writer when he saw him during their first meeting there without Mingyu.

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol checks on him when he notices that Mingyu is looking far away and not focusing on the things he is explaining. Mingyu wants to suggest a new place for their meetings, perhaps a closer coffee shop to their firm. To be honest, there is a better and bigger coffee shop that offers free refills of Americano just across their office, but when Seungcheol tells them that he prefers this place because his boyfriend partly owns it (_ so it is the reason why he is a regular_, Mingyu thinks) and that it is closer to his apartment, his suggestion evaporates into thin air. Naturally, all meetings should be in favor of the clients.

Mingyu accepts defeat and nods as he sips his green tea latte. The drinks are okay. Nothing spectacular in his opinion. The pastries are delicious, though, especially the triple chocolate heaven. Mingyu could endure the food. It’s the memories that keep on flashing before his eyes whenever he sees Wonwoo that makes him uncomfortable. It’s the reality that he is only a random stranger now to the person that he used to love or still loving until now is what makes him upset.

*

Wonwoo is kicking dirt while he sucks on his lollipop when Mingyu arrives at their usual meeting place inside the university. He and Mingyu are going out for quite some time now and that afternoon, they have decided to go on a date Wonwoo-style. 

It doesn’t surprise Mingyu when they enter a museum. Wonwoo loves arts like how he loves chili soy sauce poured over his dumplings. Visiting a museum that exhibits various works of artists he may or may not have heard of is like a staple food for him. For the short amount of time that they've been together, Mingyu has learned Wonwoo's likes and dislikes. It's quite amazing that they are so different yet they find a common ground where they meet halfway.

Mingyu doesn’t complain. Wonwoo likes it and he has no issue with it. Before this, he dragged Wonwoo to a football game. The older has no idea what the hell was going on but he stayed because it's Mingyu's thing. It is just right that he does this for Wonwoo and frankly, he doesn’t care where Wonwoo takes him as long as they are together.

They spend three hours in the gallery with Wonwoo worshipping every piece, taking his time to relish the story behind every stroke, every splash of color, the meaning of every hue. Mingyu, on the other hand, is busy adoring how Wonwoo looks so magnificent in his element. He listens to Wonwoo talk passionately about his interpretations of each masterpiece. He isn’t really that interested, doesn’t remember any of the words he had said. He is only concerned about how Wonwoo’s eyes shine while he speaks his mind about something he loves. Mingyu basks in the pleasurable feeling of holding Wonwoo's hand as they walk without worrying if someone would judge them. The building is full of renowned masterpieces but for Mingyu, Wonwoo’s face is the most beautiful work of art he has ever laid eyes on.

*

Mingyu wakes up in the middle of the night.

Another dream. It’s the same dream over and over again. Like a broken record.

There are days when he would have a peaceful sleep. There are days when he would wake up soaking in his own sweat after a nightmare. The past few weeks were good. Tonight is the first time in so long that the dream occurred again. 

Mingyu stands up, wiping the beads of sweat on his forehead before he marches to his kitchen to fetch himself a glass of tap water.

It is always the same. An image of two men on their way home from their graduation party. They were both slightly drunk, singing the song that was on the radio, and driving a little above the speed limit. It was the happiest day of their young lives since they were about to enter another stage that they’ve been waiting for– adulthood.

The one driving gave a quick kiss on the person in the passenger seat. He could not help himself from adoring him. He was so in love and so overwhelmed because he stayed with him throughout college, throughout the sleepless nights when he had to finish a blueprint assignment that he had to submit the following day, and throughout the days when he was lacking and insecure. When his eyes went back on the road, a trailer truck was about to hit them. It was all fast and bright. The next thing he saw was red and broken glasses. His whole body was hurting but he did not care. He did not care that he had broken ribs and his head was drenched in blood. He did not care that he could not somehow feel his arm. All he cared about was to save the unconscious person right beside him.

The one in the passenger seat was still in his place but wasn't moving, it seems as though as he is lifeless. He was bathing in his own blood, fresh cuts littered all over his face. The driver could not reach out for him as his hands were trapped between the steering wheel and a bar of metal that he could not figure out where was originally from. He kept on screaming, begging no one, in particular, to come and help them. He continued to yell. This time not to call for him. But in desperation to wake his companion up.

The dream ends there. It always ends there.

It’s only four in the morning, Mingyu could sleep for a couple of hours more but he sits on his couch and stares at the dark sky outside through the glass window. He couldn’t sleep anymore. His thoughts fly out and go somewhere on the other side of the city, in a corner cafe with a tall barista in glasses serving free doughnuts. His heart sinks. He thought he’s over Wonwoo. His nightmares are back and he doesn’t have to ask why.

*

Despite trying so hard to keep Wonwoo out of his mind, he still finds himself passing by the coffee shop one Saturday morning on his way back to his apartment from his weekly grocery errand. It is out of the way, really far from his area but his feet don’t listen to his brain and takes him to the place he secretly longs the most. He is carrying two bags in his arms when he enters the cafe, a strong aroma of caffeine invades his senses. He is welcomed by the smell of fresh pastries and the whirring sound of the coffee machine working. He’s still not used to it. He has avoided cafes, bookstores, and museums as much as he can the past three years to not be reminded of Wonwoo. He thought he was doing well. Clearly, he isn’t.

The ambiance suffocates him. But when he sees Wonwoo smile at him and greets him a sweet good morning, everything else doesn’t matter.

“Good morning, Mingyu! It was nice to see you in the morning!” Wonwoo skips towards him. He takes one of the bags from Mingyu’s arms and puts it down on the table. It’s 10 in the morning, only a few people are in the establishment having their late breakfast. A part-time worker is taking the orders so Wonwoo can afford to slack off a bit. Mingyu is rejoicing inside as he could have Wonwoo all to himself even just for a couple of minutes.

He never felt this kind of excitement in a while. He could feel his body warm up when Wonwoo’s fingers brush on his hand when he took the bag of groceries from him. He thanks himself for giving in to his weakness. It’s a good decision that he comes by. He couldn’t explain the elation he feels because Wonwoo still remembers his name. 

He remembers. That is the most important thing for Mingyu now. There is still a part of him that wonders why Wonwoo isn’t freaking out whenever he sees him. This Wonwoo is always calm, smiling, and welcoming towards him and he might be a little head over heels about this character development. There are so many questions in his head but he pushes all those thoughts away to enjoy these simple moments that he could have with Wonwoo, to be near him, to talk to him without any fear of him pushing him away.

Mingyu tries to act unaffected when Wonwoo actually sits down with him after bringing him a new drink that Wonwoo convinces him to try paired with a piece of brownie.

“I didn’t know you have bubble tea,” Mingyu says. It’s a new addition to their menu. Jihoon, the owner, says it could increase their sales since students are into trendy drinks nowadays.

“We put it on sale yesterday. Is it good?” Wonwoo asks, waiting for Mingyu’s reply keenly. His chin rests on his palms, eyes twinkling, and Mingyu is about to melt right there and then. Wonwoo might as well slice open his chest and take his heart from him. It’s him since the beginning anyway.

He knows this brown sugar craze is a thing these days but he is not into sweets. The old Wonwoo knew that very well. This new Wonwoo doesn’t really have no idea at all. Nevertheless, Mingyu nods and affirms that the drink is great. 

“Yay! You liked it!” Wonwoo exclaims, waving his hands in the air. He looks really cute, almost childish. He always looks at Mingyu with a smile, treats him gently, gives him the warmest greetings.

Wonwoo’s new personality still bewilders Mingyu. The Wonwoo in college was serious, composed, and had calculated movements. He got easily annoyed whenever Mingyu acted like a baby whenever he requested him to rub his tummy or to put powder on his back before they went to sleep (he did it anyway after lots of complaining). The old Wonwoo was chic and classy. His wardrobe consisted of branded and designer clothes. He took time fixing himself in front of the mirror, carefully choosing what shoes would match his outfit for the day. He did not like dying his hair because he loved how it was naturally black and silky.

The new Wonwoo is the exact opposite. He is now carefree and child-like. It seems like he did not grow old at all. He is a year older than Mingyu but if you look at him now, you would say that he’s still a college kid. Mingyu has not seen him outside the coffee shop but by the looks of his jeans, the fashionable Wonwoo is gone. He’s 100% sure the old Wonwoo would not wear acid-washed ones. Most surprising of all, his hair is dyed with a light shade. Too extreme for Mingyu’s taste but it surprisingly looks good on him. His bright personality compliments his sunshine-colored crowning glory.

Mingyu smiles a little too wide and is stunned when Wonwoo pinches his cheeks all of a sudden.

“What was that for?” Mingyu is blushing terribly.

“I really find you and your lisp cute.” Wonwoo answers without even batting an eyelash. He is still flashing a bright smile while Mingyu loses his shit in front of him.

Mingyu freezes then. The old Wonwoo also loved his lisp. He had said it was really adorable for a twenty-year-old something man to still have a speech disorder. Wonwoo would suck his tongue whenever he could not take the cuteness anymore. According to him, Mingyu knew it was just an excuse to be dirty at him, sucking his tongue could straighten it and eventually cure his lisp. 

“Thanks- uhh- I guess.” Mingyu stutters, lisping terribly. He gets delusional and hopes the old Wonwoo would come out and stuck his tongue out just like he used to. However, Wonwoo says he needs to go back to work. Mingyu watches him retreat to the kitchen, leaving him with his bubble tea, an uneaten slice of brownie, and shattered hopes.

It is a good day nonetheless, he convinces himself at the very least. It is such a good day after a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 2nd and last chapter is coming out soon :D
> 
> \- [twitter](https://twitter.com/minwonangst)  
\- [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/minwonangst)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! :D

Mingyu starts getting a lot busier when his last year of university rolls around. Wonwoo has graduated from his bachelor course two years ago but has decided to pursue his master studies so he could finish at the same time Mingyu finishes his Architecture degree. 

That year, they have finally agreed to share an apartment and try living together. It’s a plan since last year but Wonwoo wanted to concentrate on the first part of his dissertation on his own. According to him, it’s the crucial part and he wouldn’t allow MIngyu to distract him. 

They are already practically living together even before they had their first anniversary. Mingyu doesn’t think they are moving too fast. As cheesy as it may sound, he has always felt that he was meant to be with Wonwoo. They have small fights here and there but they always find ways to reconcile at the end of the day. It’s so easy to be with him, so easy to be comfortable around him, so easy to love him every day. And he wants to spend his life like this with Wonwoo. No one else. 

At the beginning of the semester, they move into Wonwoo’s apartment. Even if it’s hard for Mingyu, they had to let go of his place since Wonwoo’s is closer and bigger and the older love the view of the university from his window. It is something he could sacrifice for the sake of his boyfriend and it's a reasonable mutual decision. They had listed out all the pros and cons to determine which apartment they would keep. The only significant advantage of Mingyu’s apartment was it was pet friendly. Everything else was won by Wonwoo’s. 

When they were still living separately, Wonwoo's apartment was monotone. His furniture is minimal, just his bookshelves and black leather couch in the living area. He likes looking at artworks but has no interest in putting colors in his home. He says he wouldn't waste his energy in decorating his small abode when he would eventually leave as soon as he has enough money to move to a nicer and bigger one once he starts working as a lecturer.

He has a point but Mingyu won't let them live in such a boring manner. Color starts filling Wonwoo's apartment one by one once Mingyu’s things start arriving. His leopard print bean bag finds a spot beside Wonwoo's couch. He replaces his boyfriend’s plain bed sheet with his favorite silk ones and adds printed sheets in the rotation. His experimental paintings of horizons and expressionists self-portrait are now hanging on the living room wall. The framed photos of the two of them from the places and events they went to occupy the available spaces on their nightstand and fridge.

Initially, Wonwoo was shocked by the drastic change. Most of the things in his apartment no belongs to Mingyu. He would tell Mingyu how he doesn’t know where his stuff is. He would sometimes get annoyed at Mingyu’s blueprints scattered on their bedroom floor or their dining table. Every time he starts getting pissed, Mingyu would take him in his arms and kiss him tenderly. It always works. 

Living together is one of the best decisions Mingyu made. They’ve been together for a couple of years but he still gets surprised whenever he learns something new about Wonwoo. There’s still a lot of things to discover with each other. Every single day, he welcomes his distinct scent, he comes home to his slouched figure on their couch, he wakes up to his angelic face, and he realizes is living such a good life.

Mingyu comes home late after a three-hour class and a meeting with his football club, completely exhausted is close to giving up his thesis so that he could just run away from everything. The lights in the living room are already off. Checking if there's leftover food, he notices a container on the dining table. He curses inwardly because he remembers he had promised Wonwoo that he would come home early tonight for dinner after his boyfriend texted him that he had found a new recipe in the internet. It had slipped from his mind while trying to concentrate in class. The football club meeting was a last-minute thing. He said yes in a whim, thinking he had nothing for the night.

He hits his head on the fridge. He is now prepared for Wonwoo’s wrath. He is guilty and has no excuse for not coming home on time. He's been an absentee boyfriend the past few days. Wonwoo doesn't complain but Mingyu is aware that he needs him and would like to spend dinner together at the very least.

Expecting a good scolding, Mingyu opens the door to their bedroom but, to his surprise, a warm smile welcomes him instead.

“You are late,” Wonwoo says as he puts down the book he is reading, wearing his signature metal round glasses. He is in his favorite fleece cloud print pajamas.

Mingyu drops his bag on the side of their bed and bends down to give a kiss to Wonwoo. He is really tired and brain drained out from all of the things he had to accomplish at school. Seeing Wonwoo still awake eases all his stress. “I am sorry I missed dinner. I don't have any excuse, baby." 

Mingyu starts taking off his clothes, leaving only his checkered boxers on. He is aware that Wonwoo is watching him. It makes him a little flushed.

“Come.” Wonwoo coaxes. He has dimmed the light in the room. It's already almost eleven in the evening. Wonwoo sleeps at eleven.

Mingyu plops down beside Wonwoo, making the bed slightly shake. He curls up beside the skinny boy, burying his face on his neck. He loves his strong perfume even when he is at home and how warm his body against him. Mingyu's body temperature is always warmer but being near Wonwoo keeps his skin sear with want every time. 

“I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. You are so busy nowadays, I barely see you during the daytime.” Wonwoo whines but gently strokes Mingyu's chocolate-colored locks. Mingyu leans on his touches, humming at how tender Wonwoo's fingers are. 

Mingyu looks up at him and realizes that he hasn’t seen that face for days. They sleep together at night but they don't have enough time to actually look at each other and make small conversations. He doesn't know what Wonwoo is up to these days, the update of his thesis, the recipe he has learned from the internet. He didn't expect that, even if they have already moved in together, he would still miss Wonwoo this much. He feels terrible. He is worried that Wonwoo might be thinking that he is ignoring him and not taking care of him well enough as he promised. He could only lean in and kiss him, whispering to his lips that he loves and thinks about him night and day. 

Simple kissing becomes a bit heated. Mingyu rolls over and drags Wonwoo with him so the smaller is now underneath him. Mingyu leans up, chasing Wonwoo's mouth and sucking his lower lip aggressively. He tilts his head to the side to deepen the kiss as he cups Wonwoo's bottoms and gives it a squeeze. Wonwoo snakes his arms around Mingyu’s nape while he opens for the younger to enter his mouth. Mingyu begins grinding up on Wonwoo's crotch, pulling his hips down to meet his thrusts. He is growing hard with every flick of the tongue and every moan Wonwoo is emitting. He misses losing himself in lust and desire for his boyfriend, to give in to Wonwoo’s spell and just take him passionately until the break of dawn. 

However, before he could even put his hands in Wonwoo's pants, Wonwoo gets off him and goes back to his side on the bed. 

“You're tired,” Wonwoo mutters.

Mingyu pulls him back into his arms. He wants him. He doesn't care if he's tired. He wants Wonwoo. It's been a while since they made love. He is sure Wonwoo wants him, too. He could feel the way he moans and how he hungrily claims his mouth. “I am not tired.” Mingyu insists. He grinds up again, making sure Wonwoo feels the outline of his semi-hard cock on him. And he really groans. Mingyu watches him close his eyes as a delicious groan escapes his pretty mouth.

“Mingyu, come on." But Wonwoo is stronger than Mingyu. Not physically. He is stronger in the sense that he is more disciplined. When he says no, it really means no. "You know you need to sleep. Have you eaten dinner yet?”

Wonwoo successfully moves away from Mingyu. Mingyu doesn't push it anymore and accepts he would be sleeping frustrated tonight.

"The plan was you're gonna be my dinner.” Mingyu grunts, lying parallel with Wonwoo.

Wonwoo rolls his eyes. “I mean real food, you spoiled brat. Do you want me to reheat your dinner?”

Mingyu doesn't say no to that as he hears his stomach grumble in hunger. Wonwoo goes to the kitchen and comes back with the food he had cooked earlier. Mingyu happily eats and when he is finished, they go back to bed. Wonwoo always tells him to not sleep right away after eating so they sit silently while Mingyu watches a variety show on TV and Wonwoo goes back to reading even if it's past his bedtime.

After just more than an hour, Mingyu turns off the TV, and cardiac arrest be damned. He is now so sleepy and will go to sleep with a full stomach.

“Sleep,” Mingyu commands, tugging Wonwoo's arm.

“In a bit.” Wonwoo answers.

“Come now, babe.” Mingyu persists. If there is one thing Mingyu is jealous of, it's Wonwoo's books. It's the only thing that he has to share Wonwoo’s time with and it sucks. He is jealous of an inanimate object, of something that does not even breathe. He sometimes hates the smell of it or the sight of it always occupying their nightstand beside their couple photo.

“Fine. You are like a child, Kim Mingyu.” Wonwoo turns off the bedside lamp then positions himself in Mingyu's arms.

Mingyu hums in contentment, wrapping his long limbs around Wonwoo’s waist. "You still love me, though."

"You wish."

“I hate your books. I never liked them.” Mingyu confesses shamelessly.

Wonwoo only smirks him. Mingyu knows Wonwoo likes it when Mingyu is acting possessive. He would never admit that he likes the attention he gets because Mingyu proudly shows how much he loves him either in public or private. He would tell him he doesn't like displaying their affection but wouldn't let go of his hand while they are on the bus or in the library studying together. He likes acting cool. Mingyu likes indulging him.

Mingyu sleeps peacefully that night that he didn't stir when Wonwoo left for his classes. He wakes up alone in bed the following morning, Wonwoo’s perfume lingering in the air is his reminder that his boyfriend is still in the house a few minutes ago. While trying to fully wake himself up, his sight focuses on a pile of books occupying the free space that used to be his work-out corner. Although he loves the times when Wonwoo reads to him before they sleep and how he relaxes when he hears Wonwoo speak the words from every line like it is meant for him, he still hates those books.

Hate is a strong emotion. Love is even stronger. He loves Wonwoo so much therefore, the books could stay.

*

Mingyu still feels disgusted whenever he comes to the coffee shop where Wonwoo works but he finds himself sitting in the corner (now Wonwoo calls it his spot because it is the table he chooses whenever he is around) of the cafe. He doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t even buy coffee. He just sits there to have a glimpse of Wonwoo before he comes home.

Because of his suggestion, they don’t have meetings there anymore and since the project is in its preliminary stage, they need a bigger place like an actual conference room to hold 30 people. Nevertheless, he and Jeonghan still frequent there with different agendas. He only found out later that his boss is eyeing Wonwoo’s writer friend, Jisoo. Jeonghan and Jisoo haven’t met or introduced to each other yet but according to Wonwoo, Jeonghan has seen him once and got really interested in the somehow troubled author.

“I think he likes Jisoo a lot,” Wonwoo said over bubble tea one night. It was a habit they both developed. Mingyu would come over after his work, wait for Wonwoo’s shift to end, and would walk him home together. It was really tiring because Mingyu’s rest time was lessened but the extra hour he was awake was worth it if it meant he would spend it with Wonwoo.

“Well, Jisoo is nice,” Mingyu says to Wonwoo. The barista’s shift is now over. He is now eating his dinner, a sandwich, with Mingyu. Just like before, Mingyu loves listening to what Wonwoo has to say. It’s become a habit now that he tells him about his friends or if there’s something interesting that happened at work. Mingyu is technically a new face for Wonwoo but he never treats him as a stranger. He never asked why he goes there every night to wait for his shift to end. “He just has some issues about his ex.” 

Mingyu had already met Jisoo twice and he thinks the writer is pretty charming if he isn’t sulking over his ex-boyfriend Seokmin’s upcoming wedding. In only a span of eight days, Wonwoo learns that Jisoo is a friend Wonwoo made when he started working in the coffee shop two years ago. Jisoo and Seokmin were still together at that time so Wonwoo is close to both of them. The break up affected Jisoo and his work especially after finding out that Seokmin easily found someone new, a woman this time, easily. It doesn’t sit well with him that Seokmin is getting married only after dating for seven months. The woman isn’t even pregnant. Jisoo is having a hard time finishing his book because he can’t accept that he could be replaced in a blink of an eye.

“I understand Jisoo. It’s really painful to see someone you love forget you and just go on with life that quickly.” Wonwoo shares.

Suddenly Mingyu couldn’t breathe properly because of the statement. If only Wonwoo knew the weight of the words he had said. If only he could remember Mingyu. If only he had any idea what he went through and sacrificed for him.

Mingyu suddenly gets reminded of the first few days without Wonwoo. He had tried to go on with life without him, how he had slept on one side of the bed for months just to avoid smelling Wonwoo’s scent on the other, how painful it was to pack all of Wonwoo’s things in their former shared apartment and ship it to his parents’ address, how foreign it was to live in a new flat where there was no sign of Wonwoo’s existence, how he changed numbers so that he could not contact their common friends to ask them about how Wonwoo was recovering, and how he reluctantly accepted the fact that Wonwoo would never remember the things that happened, good or bad, in their three-year relationship.

“I can totally get Jisoo, too,” Mingyu says because he does. If there is a person on that table that knows the feeling so well, it’s him. 

“Really? Have you ever had your heart broken too? As far as I can remember..” Wonwoo’s face starts to contort. He puts a hand on the side of his head, maybe trying to ease the pain he is feeling. He looks down to calm himself while Mingyu starts to panic.

With the sight of Wonwoo getting a sudden headache, he is taken back to three years ago in a hospital where Wonwoo wouldn’t stop yelling and crying. What he is seeing now is the same face Wonwoo made when he saw him after waking up from a week-long coma. 

Mingyu is terrified. The past few days are great for both of them. Three years of living without Wonwoo is like not living at all. Finding him again and getting close to him gave him hope. The world is a better place again now that Wonwoo is around.

Mingyu doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know if Wonwoo has pills he takes to kill the discomfort. He doesn’t know if he would get Jihoon to help him because surely he would know the at times like this. Mingyu could only reach for Wonwoo’s hand and assure him everything would be alright soon. Wonwoo squeezes his eyes shut, not letting go of Mingyu’s hand while he fights the pain on his own. Thank heavens, he finally calms down after only a few loud beats of Mingyu’s heart.

“Are you okay? Does that happen all the time?” Mingyu asks worriedly, rubbing Wonwoo’s slim hand with his large ones. He uncaps his water tumbler and hands it to Wonwoo to drink.

“I don't know. I can’t remember. I just-” Wonwoo frown, looking like he is about to have another attack. It doesn’t happen so he continues what he was saying. “Something flashed inside my head. It was quick, I can’t even see it properly but I’m sure it’s two men in a room I haven’t seen before.”

Mingyu nods, doesn’t want to press further because he is scared it could trigger another attack. He doesn’t have the heart to see Wonwoo in pain again. There is no doubt that the flashes Wonwoo had were images of the both of them during college. Mingyu still has no idea how Wonwoo recovered all these years or about the current state of his psychological condition. He wants to know all of it so he could do something about it, work around it so he could come back to his life. He wants him back. He needs him. He badly wants Wonwoo in his life again.

But he is scared to learn that Wonwoo could live without him, doesn’t need him to survive. If he asks, he scared that he would cause another attack and endanger Wonwoo.

Mingyu shuts his thoughts. What he wants isn’t important right now, Wonwoo’s well-being is. 

After finishing his meal, Wonwoo calls it a night. Mingyu will look for answers on another day.

*

According to his parents, Mingyu has slept for two days after the accident. He had a broken rib, fractured arm, and some stitches on his head. He is still under observation and is not allowed to move around yet but he insisted on checking up on the other casualty – Wonwoo. The doctors have assured him that his boyfriend is alright. They told him that he should focus on his recovery first before anything else.

As soon as Mingyu received permission to go out, he goes straight to the ICU where Wonwoo is confined. He learns that he is in a coma for two weeks now. He suffered from multiple injuries all over his fragile body, his head acquiring the most damage as the truck hit his side first. They say Wonwoo only has a fifty percent chance to survive because of his condition.

Mingyu stays by his every day, talking to him about the weather, reading him his favorite books, or letting him hear his favorite songs. He thanks his parents for allowing him to be there and for, just like him, not losing hope. They still believe that he would wake up one day. 

And he does.

Wonwoo wakes up after a week. His vitals are stable. The only problem is he still could not move his right leg because of its fracture. Everything seems okay until he sees Mingyu.

He is okay when he sees Mingyu the first time. It's when Mingyu kisses him that he starts screaming and pushing him away. He doesn't want to be touched by him, to talk to him, or even look at him. He keeps on saying that he doesn't know him and doesn't want to see him anymore. He looks so terrified whenever Mingyu is in the room. 

"Wonwoo.." Mingyu tries again on the following day. He requests that he talks to him with just the two of them. 

Wonwoo is eating fruits while watching TV when he comes in. His face hardens when he sees Mingyu enter. "Who are you?"

"It's Mingyu." Mingyu smiles. He doesn't come near him. He wants him to trust him first before he tries to touch him. "Don't you remember me?"

"I don't know any Mingyu."

Mingyu maintains his smile. He can do it. He can make him remember. "It's okay. These are for you, by the way." He puts the bouquet of white roses on the table. It's Wonwoo's favorite.

"I don't like flowers." 

Mingyu is strong. Mingyu isn't going to give up. Wonwoo is the love of his life. He isn't going to just give him up. "It’s fine. I’m just gonna leave it here.”

“I said I don’t like flowers. Put it away.”

“But--”

“I said put it away!” Wonwoo throws the flower on the floor. 

Mingyu looks at the scattered petals on the floor. His heart breaks but he couldn’t show it to Wonwoo. He kneels down to pick up the bouquet and the petals that came off before he goes out the door. It is the last time that he talked to Wonwoo. 

Since Wonwoo is still under observation, the doctors advised Mingyu to give Wonwoo a break for a few days because maybe he is just experiencing post-accident trauma. They still have to determine what kind of amnesia he is suffering from and if it is temporary or permanent.

In the meantime, Mingyu could only visit Wonwoo while he is sleeping. If he is awake, he could only look at him through the glass panel of his hospital door. It is hard for him to be treated like he is a deadly disease, but he loves Wonwoo and he would do everything to make sure he is okay so he complied with the new rules they had set for the two of them. 

Mingyu isn’t a religious one but he prays every damn day for Wonwoo to remember him, for Wonwoo to overcome his trauma. Mingyu is dying to hold him again and apologize for being a terrible driver. He regretted a lot of things. He shouldn’t have drunk a lot because he was the designated driver that night. He was too happy celebrating their graduation that he forgot that he was the one who volunteered to drive. If it wasn’t for his recklessness, Wonwoo wouldn’t be suffering from amnesia. There are days where he would think that it would be better if he just died so Wonwoo wouldn’t be stressing about trying to remember things.

After two weeks, they try again. Wonwoo isn’t hysterical anymore but he straightforwardly says he does know Mingyu or remembers anything about him. Mingyu tries to make him remember, shows him their photos, their videos. He tells him the things he would always say to Wonwoo, the things Wonwoo would always say to him, how they met. 

Unfortunately, it’s all useless because Wonwoo is shutting him out. He doesn’t believe that they are together. Despite this, Mingyu still makes an effort every day. During the time when they are watching the video of Wonwoo’s recent birthday party where they are caught kissing on camera, Wonwoo feels the pain in his head. He is screaming and crying again and the only way to stop him is to give him a shot of tranquilizer.

What Wonwoo has is selective amnesia. It’s a rare case because most people forget certain details about their life due to psychological trauma. Not a physical accident. It’s not saying it’s not possible because it is. There are some who experience the same but it’s 1 out of 1000. There are people who get their memory back for a few days or months. Some don’t. Some choose to forget, especially those who were abused or experienced a traumatic event.

As for Wonwoo, he only has forgotten the things that are related to Mingyu. It seems like that the storage in his brain where put Mingyu’s data got wiped out. They are still not sure about the other storage. There could be more that he couldn’t remember. Wonwoo’s doctors promise that they would run some more tests to be sure. Nevertheless, they are positive that there is a chance his memory could come back though they could not guarantee when. In the meantime, they advise Mingyu that it would be best for Wonwoo if he would not see him for a while.

It hurts Mingyu to walk out of Wonwoo’s life without saying goodbye. It hurts to throw out the promises made to each other and forget the memories they shared. It hurts that Wonwoo doesn’t even care that he is gone or shows that he would miss him. Mingyu keeps telling himself that this is for Wonwoo’s sake. He could make a sacrifice for the person he loves even if it felt like his heart is stabbed a hundred times. 

That moment, he finally understands how Romeo and other romantic novel characters feel. You would do anything for love even if it is stupid. Everyone would be an idiot when they fall in love. Mingyu is the living proof of it.

He starts looking for a job on the opposite side of Seoul when his arms were healed. He leaves left their old apartment and moves to the one closer to the business district where his current job is located. He goes on with life with only memories of Wonwoo and occasional nightmares at night. It is difficult but he continues living, accepted the sad fact that Wonwoo won’t be able to remember him anymore.

*

“What do you do?” Wonwoo asks on a Sunday breakfast he insisted they should have.

Mingyu is surprised that Wonwoo was the one who initiated it. He is about to get busy at work since he just finished the J&J Tower II design and the construction is about to start soon. Most likely, he would be on-site half of the time. He got the call early this morning. He usually sleeps in on a Sunday even when he and Wonwoo were still dating. They both like lazing around when they didn’t have classes. This time, Mingyu gets up right away and not lose the opportunity to see Wonwoo.

“I’m an architect. Same with Jeonghan.” Mingyu answers before he swallows a slice of his eggroll. It just occurred to him that he talks less about him when he is with Wonwoo. Being away for three years, he prefers to know more about Wonwoo’s current life than talk about his own boring one.

“Oh yeah. Sorry, I forgot.” Wonwoo apologizes. They are eating at a restaurant near Wonwoo’s apartment. Their table is outside so they could appreciate the good weather. Wonwoo doesn’t like the sun or being under it for more than two minutes but now, he gushes about how he is happy that the sun is out and that they could enjoy its warmth in the morning.“What a nice job! You must be really good.”

“Not really. I’m average.”

Wonwoo glares at him. The old Wonwoo hates it when Mingyu was belittling his talent. He strongly believed that Mingyu had great potential. He admired his passion and was so proud of him for it so he wanted Mingyu to be proud of himself, too.

Mingyu laughs when Wonwoo throws an onion ring at him. “I know you’re good. I haven’t seen your work but I know you’re good.”

“You wanna see my work?” Mingyu offers.

Wonwoo nods enthusiastically, chopsticks still in his mouth. Mingyu gets a spare napkin a pen in his pocket. He started doodling on the soft brown paper, trying hard not to tear it apart. He is covering his work with his other hand so that Wonwoo won’t see it until he’s finished. When he’s done, he presents the folded napkin to Wonwoo with a dramatic bow.

Wonwoo almost falls on his chair for laughing too hard when he sees his work. “Of course, you can draw Spongebob! Who can't draw Spongebob?”

“That is my masterpiece. Do not laugh at it. I’m offended.”

Wonwoo continues to laugh. Mingyu watches how his nose scrunches, how his eyes form a crescent line on his face, his perfect set of teeth on display. Mingyu would have killed to see it again, to hear Wonwoo’s laughs again.

He remembers the time when Wonwoo kept on impersonating Spongebob and Patrick’s voices. It’s really annoying because he wouldn’t stop even if Mingyu told him to. He had thought it was funny and he was good at it so he did it to everyone. Mingyu smiles at the memory. Obviously, Wonwoo doesn’t remember it.

After eating, they walk around the city without any concrete itinerary for the day. Mingyu is expecting they would go to the galleries or bookstores that they pass by just like what they did before. Mingyu had visited almost all the galleries near their university because the old Wonwoo had dragged them there. He knew all the bookstores because it’s the old Wonwoo’s favorite stopover. 

But the new Wonwoo is more interested in talking and knowing more about him. He keeps on asking about his job and his friends. He says it’s unfair that he has not met them when Mingyu had already met all of Wonwoo’s close friends. Mingyu tells him that they didn’t have a lot. Lately, he only has Jeonghan, Minhyun, and Myungho as his constant companions. He would sometimes hang out with some college buddies but it’s really very rare these days.

“We can hang out if you want to,” Wonwoo says nonchalantly as he takes a bite of his pink colored cotton candy that Mingyu bought for him at the sidewalk after Wonwoo jumps adorably when he saw it.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Wonwoo nods. “We could watch your football games together.”

Old Wonwoo wasn’t a bit interested in his football games. He watched one game. One. And complained about how boring it was after. 

“Are you sure you like football?”

“No,” Wonwoo admits, giggling. “But, you can teach me. I can learn, you know?”

Mingyu’s still amazed by this new Wonwoo. Even in his wildest dreams, he didn’t imagine he would ask him to teach him about his favorite sport. “You’d do that?”

“I would.” Wonwoo nods, faint blush colors his cheeks.

“Okay. Let’s do it.” Mingyu agrees, smiling from one ear to another. “But we should do something you like, too.”

“I don’t have any interesting hobbies,” Wonwoo says shyly. He sits down on a bench in a park right in front of a stream. The trees are swaying above them, October wind making the ray of sun bearable on their skin.

“I’m sure you have!”

“I only read books in my spare time.” Wonwoo shrugs.

“What’s your favorite book then?” Mingyu already knows the answer. It’s any Shakespeare books. 

Wonwoo pauses to think about his answer. “Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman.”

Mingyu hasn’t heard of it or encountered it when he and Wonwoo were still together. He’s surprised that he didn’t answer Midsummer Night’s Dream or Romeo and Juliet. If Mingyu’s gonna be technical, Shakespeare was a playwright and not a novel writer. Perhaps if he would ask Wonwoo directly about Shakespeare, he would start talking about him just like before.

“How about Shakespeare?” Mingyu probes. He needs to know.

“I haven’t read his works but I have copies of it at home.”

Now, that’s really surprising. Old Wonwoo would read them over and over again if he’s got nothing new to read. He wouldn’t pick up another book if he was in the mood.

“Why?”

“I just don’t feel like it. I would next time.” 

Wonwoo starts talking about this new book Call Me By Your Name just like the old Wonwoo did to his favorite novels. Mingyu listens attentively, learns that it’s also a movie. He takes note to watch it later when he gets home. He has no time to read so maybe watching it would do.

Being with Wonwoo every night and occasional “dates” like this is easy, much easier compared to the time when they started dating a few years ago. The Wonwoo before was controlling and Mingyu was always the one who ended up following. He decided where they would eat, what time they would meet, how Mingyu should act, or else he would throw a fit and it would take Mingyu a week before he could kiss him. The new Wonwoo is still the one who decides but he gives Mingyu options. He is willing to know about MIngyu’s likes and interests, he is so open and kind. It isn’t like Mingyu did not love the old Wonwoo as much because he did. It is just that the new Wonwoo gives him a bit of control, makes him feel that his choices matter. He likes it that the new Wonwoo is affectionate, slightly submissive, and very gentle in contrast to the strong personality of the old Wonwoo.

“When’s the next football game?” Wonwoo asks.

“This Wednesday.”

“Are we gonna watch together?”

“If you want to.”

“Okay. I’m free.”

“How about work?”

Wonwoo frowns when he remembers that he has work that day and his shift might overlap with the game.

“It’s okay!” Mingyu says to cheer him up. “We can just watch the recorded one. It’s not a big deal.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Mingyu pats Wonwoo’s hand that’s on top of his lap. “Then we can go to a gallery nearby after?”

“A gallery?”

Mingyu has seen a flier in the office about an exhibition of Van Gogh’s Starry Starry Night in a mall. Aside from Shakespeare, the old Wonwoo loved Van Gogh’s works. He isn’t sure if the new Wonwoo would like it but there is no harm in trying.

“Did you plan our dates already?” Wonwoo asks, eyes round in amusement.

“Uhh-- no, I mean--”

Then, Wonwoo smiles. “You’re cute.”

“I’m cute?”

“Yeah. So cute. I like it.”

Mingyu gasps. “You like me?”

“Yes, I like you. I will not go out with you if I don’t.” Wonwoo continues on eating his cotton candy, not looking at Mingyu now. He is talking like Mingyu should already know what he feels because he makes it so obvious already. “Don’t you like me too?”

Mingyu smiles. He’s happy. He’s so happy that he could do this with Wonwoo again. “Of course, I like you Wonwoo. In fact, I like you a lot.” Mingyu admits and he has no problem admitting it over and over again if he needs to.

*

Mingyu is waiting at his usual table for Wonwoo to finish changing in the locker room. He’s done with his shift for today. Since admitting to each other that they want to try going out, they have developed a routine every day. Mingyu would pick Wonwoo up and they would eat somewhere together before they go home. Sometimes Mingyu walks Wonwoo home. Sometimes, it’s Wonwoo who drops Mingyu off to his apartment.

The Football game was fun. It wasn’t hard for Mingyu to explain the mechanics of the game. Wonwoo is still smart, still could memorize names easily, and understand concepts in a snap. They drank beer and ordered pizza (half of it Mingyu finished). When the game’s over, they made out for the first time in three years. Wonwoo still tastes the same, his lips feels the same, he still fits right in Mingyu’s arms. Mingyu remembers every bit of Wonwoo’s detail while Wonwoo basks in the thrill of a new flame. He can’t remember the feel of Mingyu’s lips on his skin, the weight of his hand on his waist. Wonwoo is a simple person these days. He didn’t hesitate to tell Mingyu how he had never felt so good kissing a person before, that it’s the first time someone had made him feel wanted.

Mingyu didn’t know what to feel about it.

The Van Gogh gallery date happened two days after. Wonwoo didn’t give the reaction Mingyu was hoping for. He said he knows the painter but it’s the first time he had seen the famous masterpiece. He’s still awed, though, but not the kind of awe the old Wonwoo would show whenever he sees Van Gogh’s works.

That’s when Mingyu realizes that it’s not only him that Wonwoo has forgotten. Wonwoo has forgotten the things he used to love. It makes Mingyu sad that Wonwoo had lost some important part of himself that makes him Wonwoo. His books, his art, his edgy self. Even Mingyu. It’s almost like the new Wonwoo got reborn and is acquiring new things and new people to love.

Mingyu is lucky to have a chance to reclaim his previous position in Wonwoo’s life.

He is concentrating in texting Myungho about their fantasy football date when Jihoon approaches him. The smaller man doesn’t look entirely happy unlike yesterday or any other day that he came to pick up Wonwoo. He doesn’t look upset or mad. He looks more concerned. It makes Mingyu wonder what he did wrong for Wonwoo’s employer to confront him.

“I know everything, Mingyu.” Jihoon starts. He sits right across Mingyu, expression hard and serious. “I know about you and Wonwoo and his amnesia.”

Mingyu isn’t surprised about the revelation. He is actually relieved that Jihoon knows about it so that he could take care of Wonwoo while he’s working.

Jihoon reveals that his and Wonwoo’s family are very close to each other. Wonwoo’s parents only allowed their son to work because they trusted Jihoon and that Wonwoo’s doctors had advised it would do Wonwoo good to interact with people again. They had explained everything to Jihoon – Wonwoo’s condition, the accident, and the person who was causing his intermittent attacks. He thought Mingyu was familiar when he first saw him. He only confirmed that he was indeed Wonwoo’s ex-boyfriend when he kept coming back. He started noticing how he looks at Wonwoo – a mixture of longing, hurt, and love on his expression.

“Wonwoo still has attacks whenever he has flashes related to you. Most of the time, they were dreams. It was not frequent for the past months but it came back when he met you again. Sometimes he calls me at night, crying, and asking me about a brunette boy. He always sees a brunette boy in his dreams.” Jihoon tells him. Mingyu remembers that he was a brunette during their college days. Now, he has stopped dying his hair and has kept it black.

Wonwoo goes through rehabilitation to help him deal with the attacks. It went on for a year until Wonwoo had learned how to control himself when he was experiencing pain or when he was having those particular dreams. He would ask about the brunette boy but everyone around him would tell him it was just a random vision or a part of his imagination. His parents opted to not tell him about Mingyu since the boy that their son used to date was not around anymore.

Wonwoo was recuperating well while working in the coffee shop. It was like he acquired a new identity and personality. The one he knew never came back. He only kept the people who came in his life after the accident and those who never left before that. He still has his childhood, high school, and college memories. He knows about his fascination with books and art but he seemed like he could not find the passion he had for them anymore. He still likes them, though not as intense as before. He is contented with his simple life as a simple server in the cafe, with simple joys he gets when he sees his customers get their daily dose of caffeine and sugar. No more ambitions of publishing his own book or visiting the Louvre Museum in Paris to see Mona Lisa. Wonwoo has accepted that he is not the same person as he was in college and he isn’t sad about it. He doesn’t even blame the driver of the vehicle he was riding when the accident happened. He had already forgiven that person because he doesn’t feel good carrying a grudge in his heart.

But sometimes Wonwoo feels incomplete, like there is something missing in his life. Aside from the forgotten memories, he feels like there is a hole in his heart that he couldn’t determine how to patch up. He wakes up in the middle of the night, no dreams at all, and he would cry because his chest feels heavy without any reason. He would silently cry as he attempts to remember the part of his life where someone or something held his heart and then the pain would start again. He would eventually stop trying when he couldn’t find any answers but it would just make him feel emptier, more incomplete, and hollower. Sometimes he would prefer to feel the pain to clear every blurry part of his past but, sadly, up until this point in time, Wonwoo is still an unsolved puzzle.

“What are you saying?” Mingyu asks straightforwardly, getting to the point because Wonwoo might come out any minute.

“I like you for Wonwoo, Mingyu. I can see that you love him so much. It is just that I do not want to see him suffer again. He looks happy when you are together but he torturing himself when he is alone.” Jihoon says, looking directly at Mingyu’s eyes.

Wonwoo had come to Jihoon and admitted that he is in fact a little bit in love with Mingyu. He said that Mingyu felt like home and that he fills in the gaps in his heart. He couldn’t understand why but whenever he is with the architect, he is irrefutably happy and that he feels complete. He wants to be with Mingyu all the time, to tell him how he truly feels, though the happiness he feels comes with frequent attacks at night. His dreams became more vivid as more days he spends with Mingyu and as he develops deeper feelings for him. He now could see his former university, his former classroom, his former classmates and friends in his dreams. Wonwoo is sure it all happened before but the faceless brunette would appear and his head would hurt like hell. Wonwoo would always want to go back to sleep and continue dreaming because maybe he would see the boy’s face. However, every time he does so, the pain gets unbearable. Jihoon had told him to not force himself. It’s a great development already that the dreams are now vivid so he should not rush things. Take things one step at a time, he would always say.

Jihoon is about to say more when Wonwoo skips towards their direction to give Mingyu a back hug.

“What are you guys talking about?” He asks cutely, peeking from Mingyu's shoulders with an adorable pout on his face.

“Nothing. I just told Mingyu to take you home early.” Jihoon says before he goes back behind the counter to continue working.

Mingyu and Wonwoo walk out of the coffee shop hand in hand. They are back to where they began five years ago when they were still younger and nothing mattered outside their little bubbles. It’s nice to go through it all over again even if there is something missing. If there is anything Mingyu is enjoying the most, it’s that Wonwoo is more fun and jollier compared to the silent and seven-sentenced Wonwoo before.

“Do I look like a baby? Jihoon always treats me like a baby.” Wonwoo whines as he sways their hands in the air like a child walking with their mom. Mingyu agrees with Jihoon. He really is like a baby especially when he puckers his pretty little mouth and whines like that.

“No, you’re not.” Mingyu lies to not hurt Wonwoo’s feelings. He stills Wonwoo’s movements to kiss the back of his hand. “Jihoon just cares for you a lot.”

After eating large servings of burgers, Mingyu walks Wonwoo to his apartment and kisses him on his doorstep before he says good night. He thought it would just be a simple kiss but Wonwoo pulls him closer and kisses his mouth deeper. He pins Mingyu on the wall beside his door, putting a leg forward to rub on his crotch. Mingyu moans at the contact which Wonwoo takes as an opportunity to force his tongue in his mouth. The old Wonwoo is sexy but this new Wonwoo isn't shy to take the lead. Hs move from his mouth to his jaw, outlining it with his slick tongue. Mingyu is getting so turned on, cock getting harder with every flick of wet muscle on his sensitive skin.

"Wonwoo.." Mingyu cranes his neck upward to give Wonwoo more access. 

"Hmm?" Wonwoo continues latching on him, his hand now cupping the bulge on Mingyu's pants.

"I don't think it's appropriate to do this here"

Wonwoo giggles. This naughty boy fucking giggles. "Let's take this inside then. You're hard, sweetie."

Well, yeah. How can Mingyu not be hard when the way Wonwoo sucks his skin reminds him of the way he sucked his cock before.

"Can't."

Mingyu hasn’t been in Wonwoo’s new apartment. He wants to make things right, to not go fast, and regret it later on. Mingyu tries his best to tell Wonwoo that he doesn’t want to invade his personal space yet. They had lived together for years, sleeping together won’t even matter if he comes to think of it. But it’s different now. They are back to zero. He is just starting to win Wonwoo's heart back (which is an easy feat) and is quite successful with it so far. He just doesn’t want to fuck up, always thinking about the consequences if Wonwoo falls for him hard again. He thinks about the attacks Jihoon had mentioned that might worsen the situation and Wonwoo’s reaction if he finds out that he is the brunette boy who is causing his pain. He is afraid Wonwoo would be violent again and hate him forever.

“I’m not gonna ask you to marry me if you come inside.” Wonwoo steps back from him, looking disappointed. They are at his door already. Mingyu would just take one more step. He finally had his answers through Jihoon so he should be celebrating. He should be claiming what was originally his. He should be grabbing this opportunity to tell Wonwoo that he loves him too and that there is nothing he should be afraid of anymore. However, there are so many scenarios in his made that conflicts him.

“Wonwoo..” Mingyu reaches out to cup Wonwoo’s cheeks. If only Wonwoo knows how Mingyu wanted to be with him, to go back to their old ways, to cuddle on the couch again, to eat ice cream tub using one spoon, to start again.

“I am sorry. It's okay.” Wonwoo steps back again, removing Mingyu’s hand from his face. He turns towards his door as he types his lock combination.

Mingyu stands there, thinking of the right words to explain to Wonwoo that he doesn’t to stay not because he doesn’t want to sleep with him. He doesn’t want to stay because he wants to make things right, he doesn’t want to let him go again. It’s ironic and Wonwoo might find it hard to comprehend but Mingyu is running out of reasons. 

The door opens and Wonwoo turns his head again to wave goodbye. He seems really upset. It breaks Mingyu's heart to be the cause of Wonwoo's frown.

“I wanna come in but I don't want to,” Mingyu says, not making any sense again. As expected, it aggravates the grimace on Wonwoo's face further.

“Mingyu, just go. Okay? I understand. I will see you tomorrow or any day you come by again at the coffee shop.” Wonwoo doesn’t even wish him good night or gives him one last kiss.

The door is still halfway opened when Mingyu pushes it with force to prevent it from closing completely. He hears Jihoon’s voice inside his head but disregards it. He loves Wonwoo and he is aware that the attacks keep happening if he stayed by his side. He wouldn’t be a cure to it but it would be a lot better for him to be there when it happens, to be the one to hold Wonwoo when he is in pain. Mingyu wants to be responsible once and for all. He was the reason why Wonwoo had amnesia anyway. He is a coward when he agreed to leave. He realized that what he did only made things graver for the both of them. Wonwoo did not regain his memories, still had attacks, and Mingyu lived a miserable life without him. He had decided he would be brave for the new Wonwoo and face all the attacks and the nightmares together from now on. If there is a new Wonwoo, there would also be a new Mingyu.

“I love you, Wonwoo. I’ve loved you since the day you said it wouldn’t be so bad having an awkward architect as a boyfriend. I love you then. I love you now.” Mingyu erupts. He needed to let his emotions out and tell Wonwoo what he truly feels. Wonwoo wouldn’t entirely get what he is saying but he only hoped that his heart would.

Wonwoo freezes, letting go of the doorknob he was holding a few seconds ago. They only knew each other for less than a month but Mingyu is now saying things like they have been together longer – longer than Wonwoo's limited memory could remember. His facial expression tells Mingyu that his head is a mess now.

“What are you saying?” Wonwoo asks. The pain is slowly seeping in. He starts paling.

“I’m the brunette in your dreams. We met in college and we've been together since then. I was with you in the accident, too.” Mingyu explains. He could see that Wonwoo's body begins to react negatively to the things he is saying. Wonwoo is trying to retain his balance by holding on to the wall beside him. It’s painful for Mingyu to watch but Wonwoo needs to know the truth and deserves answers to all of his questions.

“How did you..” Wonwoo's other hand cups his head. “Stop talking. You’re hurting me.”

Mingyu tries to support Wonwoo but the older dodges him. He pushes Mingyu away and tries to throw him out of the apartment but he fails as the pain spreads through his whole body. 

Wonwoo started screaming and Mingyu's first instinct is to hold him. He ignores how Wonwoo thrashes him. He is getting weaker anyway so it is easier for him to control him and calm him down. They both fall on the floor with Wonwoo still screaming. There are now tears falling from his eyes. He looks so terrified. His pupils are defocused, like he is seeing something terrible inside his head. 

“Stay away from me! Make it stop! Make it stop!” Wonwoo yells over and over.

Mingyu couldn’t tell him that everything is going to be alright because he honestly doesn’t know how to make the pain go away. The only thing he could do at that moment is to not leave Wonwoo's side. Jihoon did not tell him how he deals with this, what are the remedies, or if Wonwoo is taking any medications. He is practically an alien to the situation even though he had witnessed it the first few times it happened. Therefore, Mingyu resorts to the thing he knows by heart that gives Wonwoo comfort – he sings Wonwoo's favorite lullaby.

Mingyu does not have a good voice. Heck, he thinks he is tone-deaf. Old Wonwoo thought so too but he found it so endearing whenever he heard Mingyu's singing voice. It was deep and out of tune and his lisp added to the adorableness of it. Wonwoo would sometimes request for Mingyu to sing when he could not sleep or if he was having a bad day. Mingyu hated it but he still did it because it satisfied him when it made Wonwoo happy. It was one of the stupid things he could do for Wonwoo.

So, Mingyu sings. His voice is trembling. He’s nervous as hell since he is not sure if Wonwoo could recognize the song or if his voice still has an effect on him. Hoping for the best, Mingyu keeps on singing until he could feel Wonwoo relaxing in his arms. The older is still crying but at least he has stopped screaming and struggling. He is holding onto Mingyu's jacket as he sniffs. Mingyu tightens his embrace and kisses his temple, whispering a silent promise that he would do everything to make him feel alright.

“Who are you?” Wonwoo looks up at Mingyu, eyes, and cheeks wet because of tears. He doesn’t look to be afraid anymore. Mingyu hopes Wonwoo has finally discovered the missing piece of himself, that he feels complete and contented in Mingyu’s arms. 

“I told you, I am Mingyu.”

Wonwoo nods, burying his face in the crook of Mingyu's neck. Mingyu could feel his warm breath blowing on his skin. “My head hurts whenever I think of you. But my heart hurts more when you’re not with me.”

That is all Mingyu needed. Wonwoo had changed a bit but he is the same Wonwoo he had vowed to love for the rest of his life. He is the same Wonwoo he cherished and hated at the same time. Although there were holes in their lives, Mingyu is willing to fill those gaps so that Wonwoo will be whole again.

*

“You shouldn’t have left early last week! You missed him!” Wonwoo scolds Jeonghan who is burying his face on his folded arms on the table. Wonwoo had set him up to meet with Jisoo last week so that they could finally talk and introduce themselves to each other. Jeonghan admitted he liked the writer the first time he saw him alone in his table by the glass window with his laptop. He came back to the coffee shop to have a quick glimpse of him but he was too shy and nervous to ask his name. Even though Jeonghan appears to be looking arrogant and confident with his intimidating appeal and gorgeous face, he is actually just like Mingyu – awkward and sometimes stupid.

Jeonghan reasons that he got a call from Minhyun that day so he had to go back to the office immediately. He really wanted to stay to see Jisoo. He was looking forward to it but he did not have a choice since he was the boss and it was his responsibility if anything happened to their projects. Unfortunately for him, Jisoo has to be in LA for a month for his book launch there and when he returns, he has to tour around the country for the book signing of his new novel. Jeonghan has to wait a little longer to see him again.

On the other hand, Wonwoo, Mingyu, Seungcheol, and Jihoon had just gone to Seokmin's wedding. They were invited to the ceremony and because they are friends despite what happened to him and Jisoo, they all went to support him. Seokmin looked really in love with his wife. If he is happy with the person he is with now, they would not take it against him even though the other party is still in the process of moving on. That is also the reason why Wonwoo insists on pairing Jisoo up with Jeonghan. He strongly believes that they are compatible and being with someone new could help Jisoo forget Seokmin.

They are all gathered in the empty coffee shop in the middle of the night. Jihoon had opted to not open that day since they are short of staff.

Mingyu sits in silence as Wonwoo talks about the things that had happened at the wedding with his friends. He watches as Wonwoo recalled how the carrot cake tasted so delicious and how royal blue looked really good in the reception. 

Wonwoo still could not remember their past. He could not remember their first kiss or how they met. He still has painful attacks every now and then whenever he tries to remember. He would always tell Mingyu he would work hard to restore their memories because he believes that they were the best part of his college life. Mingyu supports him and helps him in every way he can. They both give an effort to piece their broken fragments together. But sometimes Mingyu thinks that memories are not really that important. Well, they are but it doesn’t really matter if it would only hurt Wonwoo. The attacks always break his heart so he tells Wonwoo to stop trying too hard because it is okay to not have all the memories back. It’s okay to forget the past because they are together in the present.

Wonwoo had forgotten the places they went to or the promises they made. It really isn’t that significant in their lives right now. Mingyu is happy that they are surrounded by good people - Jihoon, Seungcheol, Jisoo, and even Jeonghan – that would be integral components of the new memories they will make together. They are good friends who care for Wonwoo. They now know what happened to both of them so they are extra careful on talking about the accident. Wonwoo assures them that he’s okay. No pain no gain. That is his battle cry. Mingyu still hates the coffee shop because of its ambiance and smell but it is the place he and Wonwoo first met for the second time. He smiles at how ironic and twisted it sounds even now.

“I was waiting for you to comment on someone’s reference to Shakespeare during their speech,” Mingyu mentions while they are walking down the street going to Wonwoo's home at two in the morning. They enjoyed talking that it took them almost four hours before they all agreed that it was already late for the third cup of cappuccino.

“What is with the speech? I wasn’t paying attention.” Wonwoo asks, leaning his head on Mingyu's shoulders as they walk. When they were in college, he was taller than Mingyu by a few centimeters. After three years, Wonwoo had stopped growing while Mingyu continued until he stopped at 186 cm.

Everyone found out about Wonwoo’s former Shakespeare fascination. Even Jisoo was impressed and was quite sad that Wonwoo doesn’t write or has any interest in writing anymore. It seems like the new Wonwoo doesn’t care about it now. 

The new Wonwoo is still in discovery.

“You used to be Shakespeare’s biggest fanboy.” Mingyu chuckles.

“I know but it isn't a big deal for me now.”

“Oh, I thought you’ve already forgotten about how you’re such a romantic.”

Wonwoo punches his arm. “This is why I wanted to remember everything! You always mock me.”

Mingyu clicks his tongue, an indication he is slightly annoyed. He stops walking to look at Wonwoo, placing both of his hands on top of his shoulders. “We will make new memories, okay? Just make sure you won't forget them again.”

Wonwoo beams, his face illuminated by the lamp post directly above them. Wonwoo looks really handsome in his dress shirt with his eyes heavily lidded because of exhaustion. He had lost some of the important events in their lives but has kept the love he has for Mingyu. It’s enough for Mingyu. “I bet you were really lame then that’s why you don’t want me to remember.” Wonwoo rolls his eyes. The old Wonwoo in him showing a little bit.

Mingyu laughs heartily. Wonwoo's sass didn’t change at all. “Yeah. I was so lamely in love with an asshole.”

“Well, that asshole knows how to kiss.”

Mingyu smiles smugly. “Show me.” 

Wonwoo inches closer to Mingyu, looking closely at Mingyu’s face. He looks like he is memorizing his facial features – his lips, his perfect nose, bony cheeks, his crooked teeth – so that he would not be able to forget anymore.

Despite enjoying the attention, he could not wait any longer. He wants to feel those luscious lips against his now.so he leans in first. Just like what they share before and after the incident, the kiss is passionate. Mingyu moves instantly, forcing his tongue inside for access which Wonwoo gives without hesitation. Mingyu wraps his arms around the older man's torso and slants his head to the right to deepen the kiss. He feels Wonwoo melt in his hold, groaning every movement his tongue makes inside his mouth, every brush of his bare skin on his own. They both don’t want to stop, to just drown themselves in their scents and desires even in the middle of the crowdless street.

“I thought you would show me how good you kiss,” Mingyu smirks after he pulls away.

Wonwoo is still in a daze, maybe still dizzy because of the heated contact they just shared. “I hate you.”

“You always say that.”

Wonwoo leans in again for a quick peck. “No.” Another peck. “I love you, you idiot.”

It’s the first time Wonwoo has said it and it still makes his stomach flutter. Old or new Wonwoo, Mingyu will still love him. Old or new Wonwoo, Mingyu will still choose him. 

Mingyu stores the moment, not in his head, but in his heart because he knows and is sure memories kept inside the heart will never go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Please tell me?
> 
> \- [twitter](https://twitter.com/minwonangst)  
\- [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/minwonangst)

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Please tell me? 
> 
> \- [twitter](https://twitter.com/jaetensed)  
\- [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/minwonangst)


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